The O-Gap

How is that, in this day and age? We still have an enormous O-gap? Yep. That O. In a time of freedom and social justice, sex is seemingly, still mostly about male pleasure. According to sex therapist Tayna Koens, 95% of men orgasm every time they have sex, but, only 65% of women orgasm- with direct clitoral stimulation. The clitoris is something that we only recently began learning about, which is likely most of the reason for this gap. It turns out the clitoris is the only organ that has no purpose at all except sexual pleasure. It’s not necessary, biologically, for a woman to orgasm to reproduce, as it is in men. So, science, as well as, medicine basically just decided to ignore this odd little hill. ( Clitoris comes from Kleitoris, which is ancient Greek for little hill)

That is, until Dr. Helen O’Conell came along, she is said to have been intrigued when she saw doctors taking measures to protect male genitalia before surgery, but never womens’. Upon discovering the staggering lack of knowledge regarding female genitalia, she began to explore, and explain, this mysterious little hill. It wasn’t until 1998 that she published the first anatomical study of the clitoris. In 2005 she published a more detailed study. These publications are very recent considering the reach of technology in medicine, it is quite possible the clitoris is the least known organ there is. Thus began, the better late than never- acknowledgment of the clitoris.

Well, kinda. It seems most guys still don’t know much about them. Which, considering the above-mentioned information, you can’t really blame them. Regardless, why is it that so many women resign to life without orgasms? Or with few? We constantly see ads for Viagra and male sex enhancements, but never for women. I mean, we are equals in every aspect of society, but not in our own bedrooms? Not with our most intimate partners? Granted, it does seem more often the woman is uninterested in sex, but, maybe- if more women were having orgasms, women would want to have sex more. Seems logical to me, right?

If you aren’t having orgasms- YOU SHOULD BE. Listen- I’ve been accused of being, let’s say, overindulgent, thus I am not one easily satisfied with anything in life, so hear me when I say: You’re missing out. Think about it- the human body is complicated. I worked in nursing, I know. Well, I know enough to know that it’s complicated and incredible. Honestly, I can’t even find the words to describe the detail, the scale, the interworking of hundreds of thousands of aspects-seamlessly. The human body is, for lack of a better word- extraordinary. It does not have functions with no purpose. Every sneeze, blink, orgasm, heartbeat, is for a function of the body, and they all serve a purpose. Including orgasms. I think we can all agree on that.

So how did we miss this, rather large, organ of sexual pleasure? Well, there are a number of reasons, I believe, for the ignorance of this area. Mostly related to the patriarchy and the attempt to shame the female body and sexuality. Even in today’s “equal” society, a woman is often considered a “slut” for doing the exact same thing a man gets high-fives for. We still judge women based on how she dresses, how provocative we perceive her, etc. It’s not surprising that the organ which causes female orgasm was practically ignored throughout the study of anatomy and medicine.

While we don’t know much about the clitoris, there is a vast amount of knowledge on the orgasms it is responsible for. Orgasms are caused by the autonomic nervous system. This is the system that controls things like, heart rate, blood pressure- the things that we, ourselves, cannot be trusted to properly monitor. We do know, stimulation of certain nerves causes them, they can even occur in the deceased. We have no more control over our body’s orgasm response than we have how quickly our kidneys process waste. The negative, slutty, dirty connotation that has come to surround it is completely bogus. It’s perfectly natural and has a TON of positive effects. Women who aren’t getting them- should be. I could go on about why this is, but, instead- I’m gonna tell you how to fix it, sis.

But first, I’m going to tell you why it’s important. The autonomic nervous system does ALOT. It does the important things, like breathing rate. And it gives us orgasms- for a reason. As it turns out, for a lot of reasons! Orgasms have proven to relieve headaches, cramps, and muscle aches, and they boost our immune system. Studies even show that women who have regular orgasms have a decreased risk of heart disease and type 2 diabetes. Orgasms release endorphins and those feel good chemicals, to improve your mood and help you sleep at night.

So, back to closing this O-gap: First of all, you HAVE to google a photo of what the clitoris actually looks like. You will be shocked. I cannot possibly describe it correctly- it is much larger than one would think, more of a mountain than a hill, it breaks into two parts, and extends under the labia. Confused? Yeah- like I said, google a photo. Get to know your own body. This “taboo” and “dirty” aura surrounding it is, well, bullshit. It’s YOUR body. Get to know yourself, your turn-ons- and offs!

If you don’t masturbate- try it. This ability to have this incredible feeling, which has so many positive effects wasn’t given to us to be ignored.This is a natural pain reliever, stress reducer, mood booster, all of those things we are always searching so desperately for. And it’s organic, vegan,and never tested on animals! So get to know yourself, well. You can’t show someone how to get somewhere you’ve never been, right? We’re all different, I don’t need to walk you through the details. Put yourself in an environment that makes you hot then try different strokes, different pressures, different everything. And don’t get discouraged if you don’t get there at first. Good things are worth waiting for! And sometimes it takes some getting used to before you’re comfortable enough to actually get there.

So, once you’ve figured out what you like, now it’s time to show your man. Which sounds terrifying and almost laughable to some of you- yes? I get it. You’re not that girl, and that’s ok. You don’t have to seduce him into a sultry bedroom where you’re naked, legs spread, ready to teach him these magical things. Let’s be real here- it doesn’t have to be a whole issue, trust me, he wants to get this right as much as you do. Every relationship is different, you’ll know the best way to approach it with your SO. Most of the time it’s as simple as saying “do this right here like that.”

If that’s not your style you have plenty of options on how to get him there- so he can get you there. When his hands are wandering just slide yours over his and guide him. Keep your hand over his for a few strokes- you want him to know THAT is the spot. Or, when he’s going down on you just reach down and point “right here”. Guys LIKE to be told these things. I mean, if you even glanced at any of the porn out there it’s clear men like to feel like they made you spasm and shudder with orgasm- so why not give it to them? Rather, make them give it to you. I have yet to hear of a man complaining of his wife showing him how to make her orgasm. You have nothing to lose, and so much to gain! Go out there and close that O-gap ladies